Secrets

I am a children's pastor and one of my favorite times of Sunday mornings is greeting the kids as they check in.  Last Sunday, one of my favorite three year olds runs up to me with her usual smile and hug.  However, this time, she greeted me with a confession.  She told me that she had a secret that only I could know.  TIP: When a three-year-old says they want to tell you a secret, you better listen.

I leaned in, she cupped her little hand over her mouth and whispered, "I love cupcakes and ice cream."

Best. Secret. Ever.

Besides the overwhelming adorability factor, I tried to remember when my "secrets" were that innocent. It seems the older we get, the stuff we keep inside...the stuff we're embarrassed about...the stuff we're ashamed of...the uglier bits of our past gets more and more...well, whatever it is, it's certainly a far cry from cupcakes and ice cream.

Here's all I want to challenge you on today: don't let the "secrets" of your past define who you'll be today and who you're aiming to be tomorrow. If you have stuff to make right...make it right. Forgive. Extend grace. Especially to yourself.

The consequences you've faced as a result of your mistakes won't EVER mean you don't have worth to the world around you (and don't EVER let anyone tell you any different.)

If you're having a hard time digesting that idea, maybe try some cupcakes and ice cream...I know a three-year-old who swears by them.

(Oh...one more thing...the same grace and clean slate you get also applies to everyone else!)

-----

“The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn't have been complete without you.” // Frederick Buechner

Can we go back to Narnia?

Tonight, I woke up thinking about Narnia along with the wardrobe, the lion, and the witch.  Oh, how I love C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia.  But two ideas specifically...maybe three, actually stuck with me in the wee hours.

The first, was that Narnia was described by C.S. Lewis as a place where it was, "always winter, never Christmas."  There's something profound in those four words....incredibly profound.

The second is that moment when the character, Mr. Beaver is attempting to explain the essence of Aslan, the lion and ultimate ruler of Narnia.  During the discussion, he quips, "Safe?  Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe.  But he's good.  He's the king, I tell you."  BRILLIANT.

The third comes during Aslan's negotiation with the White Witch for Edmund's life.  She sneers at him, "All shall be done, but it may be harder than you think."    Not long after, Aslan gives his life in exchange for Edmund.

Ah, Narnia, thanks for meeting me where I am today.

I don't know where you are at, but as for me, fighting for Christmas over winter, living in the reality that our lives and calling won't ever be safe, and that in the end, what we must do and who we must be will be harder than we think is mind-alteringly (is that a word?) powerful.

Anyone else need these lines today?  I know I did.

God is with us

Oh my glasses, it is almost December 1st.  Where has this year gone?  My life seems to be on this perpetual fast forward motion but somehow the holidays always go in slow motion for me.  I am not sure if it is the joy of the season or the sorrow of being a single mom that slows time for me.  Maybe it is a compilation of both.  I value family time much more during this season than any other time, yet I always feel more alone.  It is a weird oxymoron feeling.  

Yesterday I started pulling out all of our Christmas decorations.  I love decorating for Christmas.  I always find joy and peace in the twinkling lights, snowmen, and decor that bring upon fond memories of Christmas' past .  

In setting up the nativity scene, the ivory porcelain figures seemed too fragile and pristine to survive life in the real world.  How do some people get through the holidays?  How did Mary get through that first Christmas?  Life hadn't turned out the way she expected, either.  Over the previous nine months, has she ever thought, I just can't do this!  It's not supposed to be this way...Granted, the visitation of an angel has assured her than her undesirable circumstances were God-ordained and a sign of His favor, but even so, she had not been given a choice in the matter.  Her only choice was in her response.  What was it that angel said to her?  "The Lord is with you...do not be afraid" (Luke 1:28,30).  His announcement echoed Isaiah's prophecy:  "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel"  (Isaiah 7:14).  Immanuel means "God with us." Immanuel; you are not alone.  How tightly did Mary hold that promise?

Two thousand years ago, Jesus did not come to us as a fragile porcelain figure.  He entered into the messiness of life in a dirty stable as one who was vulnerable and needy, who felt pain, who cried.  He grew as one who would become "despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53:3).  He lived as one who would be misunderstood, and He experienced loss, betrayal, abandonment and suffering beyond the scope of human imagination.  Facing the cross, He ultimately said under great duress, "Yet not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42).  Love entered into and chose brokenness.  "This is my body given for you" (Luke 22:19).  That Jesus still chooses to share in my brokenness.  In my own limited measure of suffering, He wraps me in His blanket of compassion, whispers "fear not" and invites me to taste of His grace.  

This morning, I noticed the nativity scene has been rearranged, disregarding my efforts to display an artistically balanced panorama.  Now the figurines were all clumped in the middle, crowding the manger.  "Who messed with the nativity scene?"  I asked inquisitively.  

My nine-year-old proudly and matter-of-factly owned the deed. "I did! They were too far away from baby Jesus.  They needed to be closer so they could see him!"  He got what I had missed.

I have decided to keep his rearrangement; it is a reminder for my to position myself to see Jesus in the center of Christmas and in the center of our lives.  Everything in our lives may be rearranged and in flux, except the main thing:  Immanuel, God with us.  We were not alone.  God condescended to meet us in the broken places of our lives.  

God drew near to us in Jesus so that we could draw near to Him through Jesus.  He was rejected so that we could be accepted; broken so that we could be made whole; suffered death on the cross so that we could receive the gift of eternal life.  

A Door

“MOM!!!, We’ve got a visitor that wants a new home,“  declared my oldest.

At first I thought “oh no, no more critters in this house.”  But low and behold, a small bird had found it’s way into my chimney.   

Naturally, I immediately channeled Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins, grabbed my gear (i.e., a sheet and trash bag), and broke out in song “Chim Chim Cher-ee.”  Seemed fitting at the time.

We crouched on the hearth, lifted the flue, assessed the situation, and devised a plan. I’d hold the flue open, my oldest would grab the bird, then we’d gently release it back outside where we were confident it preferred to live the rest of its days instead of a dark chimney covered in soot. (Oh, and we decided he’d wear plastic grocery bags as gloves since we’re so handy that we don’t own a pair of gloves.)

We began.

It took a few minutes to get the bird to stop fluttering away from the opening, but finally, with a brief, frantic flapping of its wings, out it plopped – right onto the floor at our feet. It was a young dove.

Poor thing looked absolutely stunned. It didn’t move, but its eyes were darting around the room as I’m sure it wondered, “How in the world did that dark place land me here?!”

But he didn’t have to adjust long. We released him back outside and that was that.

Later, for some reason, the bird incident got me thinking about a common phrase in Christianity that has confused me for a very long time. And it has lots of variations…see if you recognize this:

“God opened the door…”

“God closed the door…”

“When God closes a door…”

“I’m asking God to either close or open a door so I know what to do…”

(Or my favorite) “When God closes a door he always opens a ____________.” (The possibilities are endless.)

I must confess I’ve used these kinds of phrases many, many times. But I’m not sure why. For some reason we as Christians always nod in agreement and understanding when someone says these things, but to be quite honest, I have no idea what it actually means.

It’s not in our Scriptures. No one in the historical church is ever recorded using it. In fact, I imagine it’s only become common in the last fifty years or so (like MOST American Christian traditions.)

Yet, it’s used so often, one would think it was a mantra used by Christ himself.

But he didn’t.

In fact, the only thing Jesus said about doors was that HE was the door (John 10:6-10)…to rest…to healing…to life.

As I look back on my own life history (that’s actually quite short), it seems if I have any experience with God opening or closing doors, it’s been more like the bird I helped rescue than anything else. I’ll be flying along in life, doing just fine, then all of a sudden…

Darkness.

Soot.

Fear.

Stuck.

Eventually light appears again, I plop into a place I’ve never been before, and I wonder, “How in the world did that dark place land me here?!”

Now, it would be easy to immediately turn that event into the metaphor, “When God closes a door, he opens a flue,” but there’s no need.

God is not our holy doorman. 

God is our way maker. (Just ask Abraham, Moses, Esther, Jesus, Paul, and others…)

I once heard that “Grace is not a tightrope. It’s an open field where you run until you find the fences.” I’ve tripped a lot. I’ve fallen into many dark places, just like the dove we rescued.

But so far the only fences I’ve come across on my journey are the ones I or someone else has tried to construct.

I’ve stopped waiting for doors to open, I’ve ever stopped trying to find the fences, but I’ll never stop seeking after, and learning to follow the Way.

—–

“We have come from God, and inevitably the myths woven by us, though they contain error, will also reflect a splintered fragment of the true light, the eternal truth that is with God… Our myths may be misguided, but they steer however shakily towards the true harbour…” //J.R.R. Tolkien

Ask yourself

Consider this written by Thomas Merton:

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”

If you want to disrupt your own personal status quo...ask yourself these questions...then have someone else ask you...then ask them of another.

Broken in Place

Years ago when my body was spent from months of a mystery sickness and my soul was spent from failure, I moved in with family and somehow healed. It was a quote from Hemingway that help that healing along, “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places” and I had to believe that was true.

You don’t get to be twelve and not experience brokenness and you don’t get to be sixty and escape it entirely, but I don’t think the brokenness feels real until you are midway there.  I am midway there and those broken places, oh, they are so broken.

Every few weeks I hear of yet another peer who is divorcing, another friend who couldn’t stand the fear of life alone and so married in desperation, another friend who has lost a spouse or a child or a dream. The world is breaking us and we feel nothing but weakened by it.

I never understood Paul: His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Isn’t Christ strength already perfect and how could my weakness make it better?

But these days I think less about perfection in an “Everything is right” sort of way and more about it in an “Everything is resolved” sort of way. Like a cadence that falls and lands on the perfect ending note. That note is no more perfect when played by itself, but if that particular song were to end on any other note, it would feel unresolved, imperfect.

I think about strength now like that.

Being strong in the broken places only means that there is no other place for us to land but there, on that strength, on that note, in that place.

I take comfort in that because the world is breaking us and it will continue to do so. But Christ’s love (and His strength) is what holds us there, kept, sustaining, until that final cadence falls

Perfection

We wouldn’t admit it, we might even deny it, but we dream of perfection don’t we? We dream of the day when we’ll just get it all right and get ahead enough to breathe! Deep down we want to be perfect, but we never will be in this life. Matter of fact, I would even say that the desire of perfection is a distraction to what’s really important.

There is something in us that not only desires perfection, but that hates failure! The word alone frightens us! We don’t want to fail, failing is bad…so we learned in school! It’s engrained in us that our goal should be to get “A+” and “100%” Which is ok when we’re eight, but life isn’t a “Spelling Bee Friday test” that we take each day.

I have a theory/slogan, that may discourage some & others might deny, it goes…”failure is inevitable, perfection is unattainable, obedience is practicable!” (as in, what we should be in the daily practice of doing) More than that, our goal isn’t to be perfect or void of failure, our goal is humble & honoring obedience to Jesus!

What’s so hard for me to come to grips with each day, is that the desire in me to “be perfect” and “not fail” is rooted in my pride. My pride gets hurt if I fail or if someone sees my imperfections! What’s worse, the longer my ambition remains to be perfection, the longer it will distract me from my calling…obedience to Jesus!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should forfeit the desire to be excellent (give & do our BEST)! I’m not saying we should not care, not grow, not improve or that failure should be “ok” with us! Failure is only “ok” when we learn from it and improve/grow through it. Repeated failure shows a lack of passion & effort in us and that’s not ok! What’s more, we have to learn to get our definition of failure from Scripture, not the subjective world views that may surround us!

All I’m saying is that our greatest fear shouldn’t be failure, but rather disobedience! I’m just saying that our goal isn’t perfection (rooted in our pride) but obedience to Jesus (growing through His Spirit in us)! If we aren’t careful, perfection can be an “idolic” distraction and destinational myth that diverts our attention away from the ultimate goal of our journey… following & falling more in love with Jesus!

Just what I’m learning….

The Magical Paper

With the thoughts of being intentional, I am trying to be more honest with my feelings. So, here is my "safe" place to share my thoughts....

Today, is the first day of school of my last semester of my undergraduate degree. Praise the Lord! The beginning of the end and it feels bittersweet to say that. If you don't know me, I attend one of the most diverse universities in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. I am proud that my university embraces ALL cultures and religions. With that being said, of course being the first day of school, every religious organization on campus is handing out pamplets. I find nothing wrong with this act except two things.

First, as a biology major, I am very mindful of the carbon imprint that EVERYTHING leaves on this world. I am not a crazy ecological guru. I am just mindful. Now, do you realize that the probability of all of those thousands of papers being handed out today are ending up on the ground cluttering the library floors, University Hall floors and parking lots. I know the intention is to share as much information as possible but somehow it has gotten lost in translation. Saving one person is not going to come from a piece of paper.

Secondly, not one organization spoke a word or any words to any person while handing out their "spiritual information". Really? After seeing this act, my curious nature decided to hang out and observe. There were approximately fifeteen organizations represented and only one was engaging conversations with the students. One out of fifeteen and that organization happened to be the Muslim organization.

I received a pamphlet that says "Who Touched Me" and discussing the story of Jesus making His way through the throngs of people surrounding Him, when He suddenly stops and asks, "Who touched me?" I know the story well. It is relevant that everyone is equal in His eyes and thru Him he cleanses us with love, mercy, and grace. What disgusts me about this pamphlet is that there is not ONE word about mercy, love or grace. If I was not a Christian, how would seeing the words that my sin has made me unclean and unworthy affect me? Or how about that I will live the rest of my life in misery in hell?

Am I off base here? As I see it, people are searching. We are searching for something to make us fill whole/complete. We are in constant search of happiness and we will hold on to ANYTHING that brings us happiness. I have to applaud the Muslim community because as least on this day, they are bringing hope to people by engaging them in conversation even if it isn't about their own religion.

To me, Christianity is not about cramming a God down someone's throat in order to save them from a world of hell. Christianity is about the actions behind the words. Words mean nothing without action.

Sanctification

I guess sanctification is a little bit bumpier than I anticipated. Life is just different than I thought. It has so many places where a girl like me can end up stuck. Right now, I’m stuck in circumstance. I’m tangled up in all the hard things that are happening, and somewhere inside of this mess, I’m getting lost.
I’m thankful that God’s written so much ‘stuck’ into my story because, if there’s one thing you learn getting stuck, it’s the greatness of grace and the power of redemption.

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable"
~C.S. Lewis

It's Fall Ya'll

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf’s a flower.
~ Albert Camus

Shopping at this time of year is a feast for the eyes with all the autumnal floral finery and home decor everywhere you look. Every season brings its own unique hues and textures – just amazing.

It got me to thinking about the seasons of our lives as well – whether it be major seasons like childhood, marriage, senior citizenship, etc. OR the smaller more subtle phases that vary from person to person. Like those times you or I may have when we feel sad or not very pretty or like we’re getting older. Or like last week, when I had two pimples on my chin that I kept thinking looked like two boobies!

Here’s what got my attention! As in all the seasons of His creations, God creates you and I to be beautiful both inside and out in each and every phase and season of our lives, even if we do have booby bumps on our chins (or stretch marks, wrinkles, divorce papers, screaming children, messy houses, etc.)! We just have to remember how special we are to HIM and re-face our lives knowing that and behaving as such!



So, as I enjoy this Fall season and all the beauty to be found, I’m going to let it remind me of how God’s love is right there waiting to RENEW us in every season, every day, every moment if needed. And that, no matter how I may see myself at the moment, God has me where He wants me to be – He wants me to trust in Him and flourish there under His loving care! Won’t you join me in these thoughts as Autumn comes?

Thank you

When your feelings are hurt…
Say thank you. Hearts never broken can’t let light in.


When you feel alone…
Say thank you. Time by yourself is important for growth and reflection.


When you feel overwhelmed with things to do…
Say thank you. An active life is a fulfilling life and, if yours isn’t, reevaluate.


When you are exhausted…
Say thank you. Our bodies and minds are meant to be used, now go to bed and feel good about getting some needed rest!

When you think you can’t go one more step…
Say thank you. Thank you that God has gotten you this far. Sit down and breathe. Know that He will surely continue to see you futher.


Give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is the will of God
in Christ Jesus for you.
~1 Thessalonians 5:18

Never Let Go

A GOOD WORD

You know how you can hear a song
more than once and really enjoy it...
but then you HEAR it and SPEAKS to you?


I am a big fan of David Crowder Band, not only because he is a "hometown" Texas boy
but God speaks to me through the music.


I found this video with images that also speak.
I hope it speaks to you as well.

Wake up Wednesday!

There are defining moments in our lives that cause us to stop in our tracks and WAKE UP, or at least for me, there is.

I spend most of my days going about my business which usually consist of being a mom of 3, school for me, work, quiet time, homework, cooking, laundry, church, and the list goes on and on. Due to circumstances and life which includes the instability of my job and my miserable state at school, I wonder what am I doing? I keep playing the card of "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up"; however, I am 36 years old and honestly, I know exactly what I want to be when I grow up. You see, I remember my freshman year in high school and one evening in particular that I gave my life to Him for His will and purpose. I had no clue what that meant at the time in retrospect but I know that I was called to a greater purpose than my own.

If we fast forward time to today, I am continually searching for answers. After my divorce, I have spent more time searching for ideas that conformed and seemed to fit the picture of my life. Let's try med school, because my MCAT scores rocked, but I want to be a mom. Let's try nursing school, because I am smart enough and have compassion for people. Let's try education because I am great with kids, creative, and would be a great goofy science teacher.

Somehow in a weird way, this semester my schedule for classes would not pan out. Then add the fact that my job is unstable and I have not worked since early August. So, what now? I've got this. Let's just change majors again and see if that works. No wait, let's try pursuing a job all in God's name that isn't meant for me. Let's try... Problem is that I can try a zillion things, but they are never going to pan out because the true problem lies in the I.

I truly think God is watching me and saying "Hello, remember Me? Remember that day that you promised me your life? Have I not been beside you in the hardest times of your life? You trusted Me then, so why not trust Me now?"

My natural preference is to plan out my day, knowing what will happen when. His preference is for me to depend on Him continually, trusting Him to guide me and strengthen me as needed. Is this how I grow strong in my weakness because my greatest struggle is independence? I want independence so much that I must relinquish it and be dependent on Him. What?!? Sigh

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! ~Proverbs 3:5-7 MSG

So, there it is. No longer am I going to ask "what now?" but rather trust Him every day with every fiber of my being which is going to be a daily struggle. But He has shown His mercy and grace time and time again to me and He will continually do so. I know without a shadow of doubt that when we are not pursuing what we are called and made to do, a door with shut but He will open windows to let the breeze of our destiny waft to lure us to the right path.

TGIF

One of my dearest friends shared this with me the other day. I love how God brings the exact words that you need to hear at the perfect time.

Enjoy, my dear friends....

My Dearest Daughter,

I see your loneliness and fear. I know your hurt and your heartaches. In a special bottle I am storing each and every one of your tears. I see you searching for love, for happiness, for fulfillment. As much as I hate to see your pain, as much as it grieves me to see your struggle, all this must be, in order for you to totally and completely come to the end of your own understanding: only then can you fully hear my voice. Listen very carefully. Amidst the noise of the world, I'm calling. My voice is in the midst of your worst fears tenderly beseeching you to trust me, in the pain of your loneliness. If you hold real still, you can feel my arms encircling you and hear my soothing words of comfort. Yes, that still small voice within you is mine. Yes, that gentle touch is me. Give me your pain-yes, all of it, and I will give you my peace. Give me your sorrow and I will give you joy unspeakable. I cherish you, Daughter. I shed my blood so that you could be clean. I want you for my companion, my bride, to love and cherish now and throughout eternity and I plan to dress you in the most beautiful of white garments. As you live out the joy and experience the wonder of being my bride, I will be your gentle tutor conforming you to my image. I must begin by teaching you how to serve and live in submission to me. Let me convince you of your great value so that you may be able to fully share the love I have given you with the one you someday choose to bring to me as your earthly husband. Then, and only then, will you be the kind of wife I would choose for him. Give yourself completely to me. I want you to deny me nothing. I will not hurt you. I will not disappoint you. You can trust me-completely. I keep my promises. Do not be overly critical of yourself or become depressed because you are not perfect in your own eyes. It saddens me greatly to hear you criticize and devalue the one I love so much. Daughter, in me, you are completely and lacking in nothing. What right do you have to criticize the one I treasure? On what grounds do you find fault with what I have so fearfully and wonderfully made? Why do you call what I deem beautiful-ugly? Why do you believe that the one I love enough to die for is not good enough? Daughter, I want you to know who you are in me. I mean who you really are in me-completely loved and totally forgiven. I want you to trust me one step, one day, one second at a time. Dwell in My power and My love and be all that you are in Me, in My strength, and in My power. Do not fear what might happen or what the future may bring because My grace is sufficient and I will take care of you. Daughter, I know that you long to give yourself to someone, to have a deep relationship with him, and to be loved thoroughly and exclusively by him. But I must say no. Not until MY LOVE IS ENOUGH. Not until you can see yourself truly complete in Me. I love you, My child. Until you discover that your joy and satisfaction can be found in Me alone, you will not be capable of handling the problems and disappointments that are part of every relationship. You can never be truly united with another in the way your heart desires, only I can fill that emptiness, only I can supply that need, only I can love you enough. You must be united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings before you will have the strength to endure the many heart-aches and, yes, even soul-aches of even a seemingly perfect human relationship. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you My faithfulness, My gentleness, and My self-control. Then, you will need no other. Daughter, I want you to allow Me to be enough. You must keep your eyes on Me, expecting the greatest and the best things from Me. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am and that you are my child. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. Stay close by My side. Seek My face in the morning, My presence throughout the day, and My comfort at night. I am always there, Daughter. I will never leave you or forsake you. But, you must wait. Don't be anxious. Do not get in a hurry. Don't look around and fear or envy the things others have received from Me. You must keep from looking off or away. Look up to me or you'll miss the things I want to show you, and then, when you are ready. I'll give you the desires I have put in your heart, the strength to endure all things, and the courage to risk your heart. You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready... I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time... until you are both living to, which you will, however imperfectly, reflect your relationship in Me... First give Me time to heal your wounds, console your heartaches, and ease your disappointments. Find Me time to erase the painful memories of the past. Give Me time to heal you and make you whole and complete in Me. I want you to experience real ''agape'' love-not the selfish, false love of the world. I want you to learn love that is patient and always kind. Love that knows no envy and is never boastful or proud. Love that is never rude or self-seeking. Love that is not easily angered or keeps a record of wrong.. Love that does not delight in evil but instead rejoices in truth. The love I want for you Daughter, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails. Because this love is of the Spirit and not of the flesh, its natural fruit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I cannot give this love to you in or even through another except dimly, and then only in a limited capacity-for all will fail and eventually disappoint you. This perfect love, Daughter, can only be from Me. Let My perfect love flow from you and spill over to all you touch. Be not concerned with yourself; you are My responsibility. I will change you often without you even knowing it. Take your eyes off yourself, look only to me, I lead, I change, I create, but only when you are not striving. You are Mine; let Me have the joy of making you into My image-only I can do this. Above all else, look to Me and Me only, never to yourself and never to others. Do not struggle, relax and trust My love. I know what is best and will do it in and through you if you'll let me. Stop trying to become, and let Me transform you from within. I love you Daughter. Will you let My love be enough for you? I'm waiting... will you wait too?..

Love always,

your Papa

I Need You

"He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge." -Psalm 91:4

Things I Wish I Could Say

Sometimes, there are so many things that I wish that I could say but instead I keep them bottled down deep afraid to express the way I truly feel. Truth is that it has almost been three years since my life changed, and there are just parts that I still don't get.

I wish that I could tell you that I am strong and that I don't let the past haunt me.

I wish that I could say that I understand why life is unfair.

I wish that I could tell you that it doesn't still hurt.

I wish that I could tell you that as I go to school full time and work full time that I don't struggle financially. I wish that I could tell you that I can afford in luxuries such as swimming pools, boats, my own house, and other many others but I can't.

But what I can say is that


There’s another part to this that makes it even stronger. It’s faith. You need to develop faith that things really do work out. You may not be able to see how it’s going to work out from where you’re standing right now, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t work out. There really is a bigger picture that we don’t see. The more you develop faith, the more you will see things working out for you and your family. The more you stop trying to control everything in your life, the more you will find that your life makes sense and the more you will see the pattern. All this will foster happy kids, making you an effective and successful parent

A Time for Everything

  

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens;
  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

With each changing of the Seasons, I think back to these verses and praise God not only for his creation, but the guidance He provides for us in our own "Seasons" of life.

Guarding my Heart

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust. ~Proverbs 4:23-27.