Wake up Wednesday!

There are defining moments in our lives that cause us to stop in our tracks and WAKE UP, or at least for me, there is.

I spend most of my days going about my business which usually consist of being a mom of 3, school for me, work, quiet time, homework, cooking, laundry, church, and the list goes on and on. Due to circumstances and life which includes the instability of my job and my miserable state at school, I wonder what am I doing? I keep playing the card of "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up"; however, I am 36 years old and honestly, I know exactly what I want to be when I grow up. You see, I remember my freshman year in high school and one evening in particular that I gave my life to Him for His will and purpose. I had no clue what that meant at the time in retrospect but I know that I was called to a greater purpose than my own.

If we fast forward time to today, I am continually searching for answers. After my divorce, I have spent more time searching for ideas that conformed and seemed to fit the picture of my life. Let's try med school, because my MCAT scores rocked, but I want to be a mom. Let's try nursing school, because I am smart enough and have compassion for people. Let's try education because I am great with kids, creative, and would be a great goofy science teacher.

Somehow in a weird way, this semester my schedule for classes would not pan out. Then add the fact that my job is unstable and I have not worked since early August. So, what now? I've got this. Let's just change majors again and see if that works. No wait, let's try pursuing a job all in God's name that isn't meant for me. Let's try... Problem is that I can try a zillion things, but they are never going to pan out because the true problem lies in the I.

I truly think God is watching me and saying "Hello, remember Me? Remember that day that you promised me your life? Have I not been beside you in the hardest times of your life? You trusted Me then, so why not trust Me now?"

My natural preference is to plan out my day, knowing what will happen when. His preference is for me to depend on Him continually, trusting Him to guide me and strengthen me as needed. Is this how I grow strong in my weakness because my greatest struggle is independence? I want independence so much that I must relinquish it and be dependent on Him. What?!? Sigh

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! ~Proverbs 3:5-7 MSG

So, there it is. No longer am I going to ask "what now?" but rather trust Him every day with every fiber of my being which is going to be a daily struggle. But He has shown His mercy and grace time and time again to me and He will continually do so. I know without a shadow of doubt that when we are not pursuing what we are called and made to do, a door with shut but He will open windows to let the breeze of our destiny waft to lure us to the right path.

TGIF

One of my dearest friends shared this with me the other day. I love how God brings the exact words that you need to hear at the perfect time.

Enjoy, my dear friends....

My Dearest Daughter,

I see your loneliness and fear. I know your hurt and your heartaches. In a special bottle I am storing each and every one of your tears. I see you searching for love, for happiness, for fulfillment. As much as I hate to see your pain, as much as it grieves me to see your struggle, all this must be, in order for you to totally and completely come to the end of your own understanding: only then can you fully hear my voice. Listen very carefully. Amidst the noise of the world, I'm calling. My voice is in the midst of your worst fears tenderly beseeching you to trust me, in the pain of your loneliness. If you hold real still, you can feel my arms encircling you and hear my soothing words of comfort. Yes, that still small voice within you is mine. Yes, that gentle touch is me. Give me your pain-yes, all of it, and I will give you my peace. Give me your sorrow and I will give you joy unspeakable. I cherish you, Daughter. I shed my blood so that you could be clean. I want you for my companion, my bride, to love and cherish now and throughout eternity and I plan to dress you in the most beautiful of white garments. As you live out the joy and experience the wonder of being my bride, I will be your gentle tutor conforming you to my image. I must begin by teaching you how to serve and live in submission to me. Let me convince you of your great value so that you may be able to fully share the love I have given you with the one you someday choose to bring to me as your earthly husband. Then, and only then, will you be the kind of wife I would choose for him. Give yourself completely to me. I want you to deny me nothing. I will not hurt you. I will not disappoint you. You can trust me-completely. I keep my promises. Do not be overly critical of yourself or become depressed because you are not perfect in your own eyes. It saddens me greatly to hear you criticize and devalue the one I love so much. Daughter, in me, you are completely and lacking in nothing. What right do you have to criticize the one I treasure? On what grounds do you find fault with what I have so fearfully and wonderfully made? Why do you call what I deem beautiful-ugly? Why do you believe that the one I love enough to die for is not good enough? Daughter, I want you to know who you are in me. I mean who you really are in me-completely loved and totally forgiven. I want you to trust me one step, one day, one second at a time. Dwell in My power and My love and be all that you are in Me, in My strength, and in My power. Do not fear what might happen or what the future may bring because My grace is sufficient and I will take care of you. Daughter, I know that you long to give yourself to someone, to have a deep relationship with him, and to be loved thoroughly and exclusively by him. But I must say no. Not until MY LOVE IS ENOUGH. Not until you can see yourself truly complete in Me. I love you, My child. Until you discover that your joy and satisfaction can be found in Me alone, you will not be capable of handling the problems and disappointments that are part of every relationship. You can never be truly united with another in the way your heart desires, only I can fill that emptiness, only I can supply that need, only I can love you enough. You must be united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings before you will have the strength to endure the many heart-aches and, yes, even soul-aches of even a seemingly perfect human relationship. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you My faithfulness, My gentleness, and My self-control. Then, you will need no other. Daughter, I want you to allow Me to be enough. You must keep your eyes on Me, expecting the greatest and the best things from Me. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am and that you are my child. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. Stay close by My side. Seek My face in the morning, My presence throughout the day, and My comfort at night. I am always there, Daughter. I will never leave you or forsake you. But, you must wait. Don't be anxious. Do not get in a hurry. Don't look around and fear or envy the things others have received from Me. You must keep from looking off or away. Look up to me or you'll miss the things I want to show you, and then, when you are ready. I'll give you the desires I have put in your heart, the strength to endure all things, and the courage to risk your heart. You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready... I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time... until you are both living to, which you will, however imperfectly, reflect your relationship in Me... First give Me time to heal your wounds, console your heartaches, and ease your disappointments. Find Me time to erase the painful memories of the past. Give Me time to heal you and make you whole and complete in Me. I want you to experience real ''agape'' love-not the selfish, false love of the world. I want you to learn love that is patient and always kind. Love that knows no envy and is never boastful or proud. Love that is never rude or self-seeking. Love that is not easily angered or keeps a record of wrong.. Love that does not delight in evil but instead rejoices in truth. The love I want for you Daughter, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails. Because this love is of the Spirit and not of the flesh, its natural fruit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I cannot give this love to you in or even through another except dimly, and then only in a limited capacity-for all will fail and eventually disappoint you. This perfect love, Daughter, can only be from Me. Let My perfect love flow from you and spill over to all you touch. Be not concerned with yourself; you are My responsibility. I will change you often without you even knowing it. Take your eyes off yourself, look only to me, I lead, I change, I create, but only when you are not striving. You are Mine; let Me have the joy of making you into My image-only I can do this. Above all else, look to Me and Me only, never to yourself and never to others. Do not struggle, relax and trust My love. I know what is best and will do it in and through you if you'll let me. Stop trying to become, and let Me transform you from within. I love you Daughter. Will you let My love be enough for you? I'm waiting... will you wait too?..

Love always,

your Papa

I Need You

"He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge." -Psalm 91:4

Things I Wish I Could Say

Sometimes, there are so many things that I wish that I could say but instead I keep them bottled down deep afraid to express the way I truly feel. Truth is that it has almost been three years since my life changed, and there are just parts that I still don't get.

I wish that I could tell you that I am strong and that I don't let the past haunt me.

I wish that I could say that I understand why life is unfair.

I wish that I could tell you that it doesn't still hurt.

I wish that I could tell you that as I go to school full time and work full time that I don't struggle financially. I wish that I could tell you that I can afford in luxuries such as swimming pools, boats, my own house, and other many others but I can't.

But what I can say is that


There’s another part to this that makes it even stronger. It’s faith. You need to develop faith that things really do work out. You may not be able to see how it’s going to work out from where you’re standing right now, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t work out. There really is a bigger picture that we don’t see. The more you develop faith, the more you will see things working out for you and your family. The more you stop trying to control everything in your life, the more you will find that your life makes sense and the more you will see the pattern. All this will foster happy kids, making you an effective and successful parent

A Time for Everything

  

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens;
  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

With each changing of the Seasons, I think back to these verses and praise God not only for his creation, but the guidance He provides for us in our own "Seasons" of life.

Guarding my Heart

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust. ~Proverbs 4:23-27.