Brothers

They're brothers, ages 10 and 6. They share a bedroom, a love for all things Legos, a desire to win every game ever played on PS3 or Wii, and a tendency toward violence of the brotherly kind. They are mortal enemies and the best of friends, the pendulum often swinging from friend to enemy and back to friend again within a matter of .2 seconds.

They're both dynamos in their own element. The older of the two is lean, tall, and lightning-fast. The younger is lean, small, and has the determination to be just as good as his older brother.

Last night, after an especially vigorous session of carpet wrestling, I heard them pause, breathless, to formulate impressive plans thanks to the World Cup. They determined that they would take the professional soccer world by storm someday, two feisty brothers who would team up to strike fear in opponents. The oldest would be the speedy, agile Scorer of Many Goals. The youngest would be the brick-wall goalie around whom no ball would fly.

Then they went back to the floor for more wrestling, until I went in to interrupt and tell them it was time to head to bed. We sat on the couch, mom in the middle, for bedtime prayers. Their sweaty, smelly heads leaned in on my shoulders. They were still out of breath. It was the first moment of quiet that room had seen in hours.

The oldest said his prayer, and then I said mine. And then the youngest, in a voice thick with sincerity, said softly, "Thank you, God, that my brother and I enjoy each other."

I caught my breath. Yes, thank you, I thought. Then--I couldn't help it--I peeked open my eyes at the two boys, still sitting at my side. Something settled over them.

They were struck by the moment, too.

The oldest looked over at his little brother, affection unmistakably written on his face. He gently, quietly nudged him with his elbow. The youngest returned the glance, and the nudge.

There was a perfect pause.

And then, at exactly the same moment, they erupted into grunts and laughter, diving for each other and heading straight for the carpet. I think the .7 miliseconds of tenderness was all they could bear.

I watched them, smiling, observing to myself that the moment had surely passed.
Or had it? I'm inclined to think--to hope--that a moment like that settles deeply in the hearts of two sweaty boys. It surely settles deeply in the heart of their mother.

Little Blessings

The other night, my little man curled up in his bed, his hair still a little damp from his shower a few minutes before, and his mind racing as it always does as bed time falls upon us.

"What if there's a fire? I don't like to jump out of windows," he told me.

"If there's a fire, I'll come for you," I said.

"But what if I get lost in the deep, deep forest?" he asked.

Before I answered, I thought to myself, “Where does he come up with this stuff? Maybe we have been watching way too much Harry Potter movies lately.”

"You won't ever be in the deep, deep forest," I told him. He shot me a look that made it clear this answer was far too practical to satisfy his need for drama.

I amended my response. "If you get lost in the deep, deep forest, I'll come and find you," I said, and he nodded, seeming satisfied with my answer this time. His heavy eyelids started to droop. The 9-year-old wandered in, eager to help.

"Could I sing him a lullaby?" she asked quietly. I nodded, and she sat down and sang softly "Jesus Loves Me" while her little brother held tightly to my hand.

Then the 10-year-old chimed in since he was sleeping in the bunk above us, playing his drum, because we all know that "Jesus Loves Me" is much more effective as a lullaby with a loud and driving drum beat. Well, his playing messed up the 9-year-old, who stopped right at the “little ones to Him belong part” to whack her brother. The six-year-old was so excited by this exchange that he jumped to his feet and began to sing/shriek along while jumping off his bed to dance on the bedroom floor. The two big kids stopped their fighting, suddenly distracted by the fact that “Jesus” sounds a lot like “Cheez-Its.”

The six-year-old continued to dance. The 9-year-old sister continued to pound the older brother while both the older ones continued to shriek their hymn to the little orange crackers.

I laughed, and I wondered exactly where I lost my sweet moment.

I laughed harder, and I realized I didn't lose it at all. I love how God reveals the sweet blessings of my life in everyday experiences of being a mom.

Sometimes as a mom, I get caught up in the moments of how things should be; but I am learning through God’s grace that life is nothing like what it should be but every bit a part of the way God meant for it to be in my life.

One of our favorite family movies is Disney’s Meet the Robinsons. We love the quirky dinosaur with the big head and little arms, the singing gangster frogs, the display of love shown by a family that isn’t ordinary, but what we love most of all is the closing song:

let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know the hardest part is over
let it in, let your clarity define you
in the end, we will only just remember how it feels

let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but I cannot forget
the way I feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
--Rob Thomas, “Little Wonders”

I am truly thankful for this song. This song got me through the struggles of my divorce, learning to be a single mom, and most importantly the amazing blessings of being a daughter of God.

Crazy Love

I wanted to share with you an excerpt from Crazy Love by Frances Chan that touched my heart and spirit. Today, it helped me realize to give up myself and that life is so much easier with Him than without. Enjoy, dear friends!

Someone I Can Be Real With
If you merely pretend that you enjoy God or love Him, He knows.
You can’t fool Him; don’t even try. Instead, tell Him how you feel.
Tell Him that He isn’t the most important thing in this life to you,
and that you are sorry for that. Tell Him that you’ve been lukewarm,
that you’ve chosen _____________ over Him time and again.
Tell Him that you want Him to change you, that you long to genuinely enjoy Him.
Tell Him how you want to experience true satisfaction and pleasure and
joy in your relationship with Him. Tell Him you want to love Him more than
anything on this earth. Tell Him you want to experience the kingdom of heaven so much so that you’d willingly sell everything in order to get it.
Tell Him what you like about Him, what you appreciate, what brings you joy.

my prayer today:
Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love you and walk with You on my own.
I can’t do it, I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life. I want You. And when I don’t, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me.

15 things I love, just because

So with great ambitions to become a more avid blogger, I have decided to give Thursday a makeover. So, I am declaring it as Love Thursday, and lately I’ve felt like Thursday leaves me anxious about finding JUST THE RIGHT THING that is, you know, PROFOUND ENOUGH to pass muster.

Which is silly, of course, both because if profundity is the measuring stick by which I’m going to take stock of my work, um, ACK, and also because that’s the thing about love—it doesn’t have to be profound. Sometimes it just is. Sometimes it’s everyday, plain, and perfectly simple.

So rather than a long story, today I thought I’d celebrate Thursday with some of the simplest things that make me feel most happy, and fill me with love.

If you’re looking for deep, today, you should probably move on. Just sayin’.

1) Every morning when all three of my kids jump into bed with me after breakfast for cuddle time until the alarm goes off.

2) The birds that squabble in the tree right outside my window. They remind me of the kids.

3) Starbucks - I am loving Vanilla Roobios Tea Lattes right now.

4) Fuzzy socks.

5) Sweet messages of encouragement/love via Facebook, twitter and text.

6) Seeing the first signs of spring - trees budding, daffodils, tulips, and thunderstorms as long as I know a tornado isn't going to take me away.

7) Slowly sinking into a bath so hot that it’s almost—but not quite—unbearable.

8) Watching a dog having a dream about chasing a squirrel, and their legs twitch and they huff out airy little dream-barks.

9) Seeing my kids laugh and giggle about silly things like farts.

10) The smell of homemade goodies of any kind: cookies, bread, cakes, etc.

11) Gummi Bears and animal crackers but to save them from agony, I always have to eat their heads off first.

12) Watching my kids learn how to serve others.

13) Browsing through antique malls for treasures but then wondering what stories lie behind each item

14) Fresh green beans.

15) Popcorn.
15a) Especially when made by my oldest son
15b) Especially when he makes the perfect sized bowl for everyone in the family
15c) Especially when he makes mine the only bowl of kettle corn =) He loves me for now.




Happy Love Thursday. I hope your personal bowl of little delights is always overflowing, always refilling.

Epic fail....or maybe I should say, Liberty fail....

You really wouldn’t think that starting something as simple as a Chia plant would be difficult. They go something like this:
Soak the pot for an hour.
Soak the seeds for an hour.
Apply seeds to pot.
Put bag over pot for 3-4 days so the seeds start sprouting.
Take bag off and place in sunny warm spot.
Keep pot watered and turn as necessary.
If you do it right, you don’t get this!




Opps! Did I forget to water her?

You think this would be simple but its not. I won’t bore you with the details but this is our second attempt. I say we… but after the first attempt my son lost his interest. This was all me trying to make it work. I even received Lady Liberty as a gift from a friend in hopes that I could redemn myself after my first failure.
Seriously, growing a plant should be like the easiest crafty thing you can start with. You follow directions, put in some work and you watch your work grow into a plant/vegetable/fruit. You feel proud. Tell you what…. this my friends, is not easy!

Manifesto for today

Someone sent this to me-a manifesto of sorts but unsure of the author-but wanted to share because it is helping me learn to "Bloom" a little more. So now, its your turn, to bloom....

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Criticize by creating. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Bloom Time

Image Title: Ever Blooming Rose By: Mehul Chimthankar Copyright ©2008

Happy February, everyone!

For a while now, I’ve known I would declare a Word of the Year for 2010. You see, a guiding word is, the theory goes, easier to live up to, and ultimately deeper and more meaningful, than the traditional to-do list of resolutions, which, let’s face it, most of us break before March. I know that I usually at least falter on them by March, and that, by year’s end, if I haven’t forgotten about them completely, I’ve only applied them sporadically. So, I am still not sure about making resolutions or setting more specific intentions this year. I’m mulling that over as I focus this time of my life for healing physically, emotionally and spiritually. But, I do have my guiding word for 2010, and it is….Drumroll please…

BLOOM

More specifically, I’m using the second definition of the verb form of “bloom” as defined by Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary:

2. a: (1) to mature into achievement of one’s potential (2) to flourish in youthful beauty, freshness, or excellence b: to shine out: glow”

A quote I’d heard many times before swam through my head for most of January, any time I thought about 2009 ending and 2010 beginning. You may recognize it:

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anais Nin

So, every time I thought about declaring my Word of the Year for 2010, “bloom” kept popping into my head. Just to make sure it would be my word, I looked it up, and the aforementioned definitions are exactly what I want for this year.

I do want to achieve my potential, to flourish, and to glow. I want my life to do the same. Any resolutions I may or may not make, any specific intentions I may or may not set, will revolve around these ultimate goals and guiding concepts.

Here I go…Stepping forward into 2010 with optimism, if a bit cautiously. Here I go…Readying myself to bloom.

excerpt from St. Francis And The Sow
by Galway Kinnell

The bud
stands for all things,
even those things that don't flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing