Ask yourself

Consider this written by Thomas Merton:

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”

If you want to disrupt your own personal status quo...ask yourself these questions...then have someone else ask you...then ask them of another.

Broken in Place

Years ago when my body was spent from months of a mystery sickness and my soul was spent from failure, I moved in with family and somehow healed. It was a quote from Hemingway that help that healing along, “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places” and I had to believe that was true.

You don’t get to be twelve and not experience brokenness and you don’t get to be sixty and escape it entirely, but I don’t think the brokenness feels real until you are midway there.  I am midway there and those broken places, oh, they are so broken.

Every few weeks I hear of yet another peer who is divorcing, another friend who couldn’t stand the fear of life alone and so married in desperation, another friend who has lost a spouse or a child or a dream. The world is breaking us and we feel nothing but weakened by it.

I never understood Paul: His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Isn’t Christ strength already perfect and how could my weakness make it better?

But these days I think less about perfection in an “Everything is right” sort of way and more about it in an “Everything is resolved” sort of way. Like a cadence that falls and lands on the perfect ending note. That note is no more perfect when played by itself, but if that particular song were to end on any other note, it would feel unresolved, imperfect.

I think about strength now like that.

Being strong in the broken places only means that there is no other place for us to land but there, on that strength, on that note, in that place.

I take comfort in that because the world is breaking us and it will continue to do so. But Christ’s love (and His strength) is what holds us there, kept, sustaining, until that final cadence falls

Perfection

We wouldn’t admit it, we might even deny it, but we dream of perfection don’t we? We dream of the day when we’ll just get it all right and get ahead enough to breathe! Deep down we want to be perfect, but we never will be in this life. Matter of fact, I would even say that the desire of perfection is a distraction to what’s really important.

There is something in us that not only desires perfection, but that hates failure! The word alone frightens us! We don’t want to fail, failing is bad…so we learned in school! It’s engrained in us that our goal should be to get “A+” and “100%” Which is ok when we’re eight, but life isn’t a “Spelling Bee Friday test” that we take each day.

I have a theory/slogan, that may discourage some & others might deny, it goes…”failure is inevitable, perfection is unattainable, obedience is practicable!” (as in, what we should be in the daily practice of doing) More than that, our goal isn’t to be perfect or void of failure, our goal is humble & honoring obedience to Jesus!

What’s so hard for me to come to grips with each day, is that the desire in me to “be perfect” and “not fail” is rooted in my pride. My pride gets hurt if I fail or if someone sees my imperfections! What’s worse, the longer my ambition remains to be perfection, the longer it will distract me from my calling…obedience to Jesus!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should forfeit the desire to be excellent (give & do our BEST)! I’m not saying we should not care, not grow, not improve or that failure should be “ok” with us! Failure is only “ok” when we learn from it and improve/grow through it. Repeated failure shows a lack of passion & effort in us and that’s not ok! What’s more, we have to learn to get our definition of failure from Scripture, not the subjective world views that may surround us!

All I’m saying is that our greatest fear shouldn’t be failure, but rather disobedience! I’m just saying that our goal isn’t perfection (rooted in our pride) but obedience to Jesus (growing through His Spirit in us)! If we aren’t careful, perfection can be an “idolic” distraction and destinational myth that diverts our attention away from the ultimate goal of our journey… following & falling more in love with Jesus!

Just what I’m learning….

The Magical Paper

With the thoughts of being intentional, I am trying to be more honest with my feelings. So, here is my "safe" place to share my thoughts....

Today, is the first day of school of my last semester of my undergraduate degree. Praise the Lord! The beginning of the end and it feels bittersweet to say that. If you don't know me, I attend one of the most diverse universities in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. I am proud that my university embraces ALL cultures and religions. With that being said, of course being the first day of school, every religious organization on campus is handing out pamplets. I find nothing wrong with this act except two things.

First, as a biology major, I am very mindful of the carbon imprint that EVERYTHING leaves on this world. I am not a crazy ecological guru. I am just mindful. Now, do you realize that the probability of all of those thousands of papers being handed out today are ending up on the ground cluttering the library floors, University Hall floors and parking lots. I know the intention is to share as much information as possible but somehow it has gotten lost in translation. Saving one person is not going to come from a piece of paper.

Secondly, not one organization spoke a word or any words to any person while handing out their "spiritual information". Really? After seeing this act, my curious nature decided to hang out and observe. There were approximately fifeteen organizations represented and only one was engaging conversations with the students. One out of fifeteen and that organization happened to be the Muslim organization.

I received a pamphlet that says "Who Touched Me" and discussing the story of Jesus making His way through the throngs of people surrounding Him, when He suddenly stops and asks, "Who touched me?" I know the story well. It is relevant that everyone is equal in His eyes and thru Him he cleanses us with love, mercy, and grace. What disgusts me about this pamphlet is that there is not ONE word about mercy, love or grace. If I was not a Christian, how would seeing the words that my sin has made me unclean and unworthy affect me? Or how about that I will live the rest of my life in misery in hell?

Am I off base here? As I see it, people are searching. We are searching for something to make us fill whole/complete. We are in constant search of happiness and we will hold on to ANYTHING that brings us happiness. I have to applaud the Muslim community because as least on this day, they are bringing hope to people by engaging them in conversation even if it isn't about their own religion.

To me, Christianity is not about cramming a God down someone's throat in order to save them from a world of hell. Christianity is about the actions behind the words. Words mean nothing without action.

Sanctification

I guess sanctification is a little bit bumpier than I anticipated. Life is just different than I thought. It has so many places where a girl like me can end up stuck. Right now, I’m stuck in circumstance. I’m tangled up in all the hard things that are happening, and somewhere inside of this mess, I’m getting lost.
I’m thankful that God’s written so much ‘stuck’ into my story because, if there’s one thing you learn getting stuck, it’s the greatness of grace and the power of redemption.

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable"
~C.S. Lewis

It's Fall Ya'll

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf’s a flower.
~ Albert Camus

Shopping at this time of year is a feast for the eyes with all the autumnal floral finery and home decor everywhere you look. Every season brings its own unique hues and textures – just amazing.

It got me to thinking about the seasons of our lives as well – whether it be major seasons like childhood, marriage, senior citizenship, etc. OR the smaller more subtle phases that vary from person to person. Like those times you or I may have when we feel sad or not very pretty or like we’re getting older. Or like last week, when I had two pimples on my chin that I kept thinking looked like two boobies!

Here’s what got my attention! As in all the seasons of His creations, God creates you and I to be beautiful both inside and out in each and every phase and season of our lives, even if we do have booby bumps on our chins (or stretch marks, wrinkles, divorce papers, screaming children, messy houses, etc.)! We just have to remember how special we are to HIM and re-face our lives knowing that and behaving as such!



So, as I enjoy this Fall season and all the beauty to be found, I’m going to let it remind me of how God’s love is right there waiting to RENEW us in every season, every day, every moment if needed. And that, no matter how I may see myself at the moment, God has me where He wants me to be – He wants me to trust in Him and flourish there under His loving care! Won’t you join me in these thoughts as Autumn comes?