Moments in Time

He walked into the kitchen while I was cooking up his favorite dinner: spaghetti. He began to talk about his new adventures and new ideas for his favorite video game, and I, being distracted, gave some distant mumbles of assent.

Suddenly, he walked up to me. "Mom, you look like you need a hug."

Then he hugged me. And held me.

He's 11, almost 12 and much mature beyond his years. We often laugh together alot and we've even gotten frustrated with each other alot, too, scoping out his place in our family as becoming a Big Person. I'm becoming the mother of a son who needs me in a very different way than he used to.

It's exhilarating, frightening, wonderful, irritating, and hilarious.

And so I stood there in the kitchen, at the end of a very long day in which we had puzzled each other at length, my son (my son!) holding me. Even an embrace is uncharted territory--when will my arms get used to the surreal sensation that he's almost a head taller than me now? I don't even always know where to put my hands.

But then my heart remembered, and my hands found their way to his back, a back that is strangely muscled and lean now. I patted him, just as I did when he weighed eight pounds.

My mind scurried to find a joke to explain this sudden and unexpected moment--he loves a good quip more than anyone I know, after all.

But the joke caught in my throat, blocked by the lump of emotion as we stood there, my hands still patting his back. We were perfectly silent, through my mind raced to capture the moment and sear it into my heart.

Remember this. Remember this.

Finally, gently, he slipped away from me. "Moment of affection now ceased," he announced, grinning my favorite cheeky grin and heading for the fridge to gulp some milk straight from the jug.

Moments like that don't cease, though, despite the boy/man's best efforts to the contrary. Those moments fill me up, fortify me for the strange new journey I'm walking. It's a journey that leaves me baffled and delighted and frightened and filled to the brim with joy at my front-row seat as I watch him become a man.

Just Keep Going

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost and when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going."

-Carrie Bradshaw

Times

Do you ever have those moments that you feel like you are just wandering in this world? That truly who you are destined, designed, made to be, somehow seems so far away. Yeah, I am that girl with her hand raised soooo highly that it is hard to miss me.

What I do know is that in those moments, I have a longing desire to be soooo close to God. I want to be right next to Him like a silly girl in young love. I am eager to hear from Him about direction, questions, affirmation of who I am suppose to be. I often think that sometimes that I am eager to a fault that I miss His whispers & blessings spoken into my life.



This song spoke straight to my heart today. I stumbled across it while listening to the Ingrid Michaelson channel on Pandora (which doesn't quite make sense, but hey maybe God knew I needed to hear it so He snuck it in). So thankful that God speaks to me in sooo many ways through songs, words of a friend, serving.

My thoughts just for today

~In this family, we're pretty serious about the game of slugbug/2010 Camaro. I mean, we're really serious-we even have official rules (complete with 5 second rule & dealership clause). I even use a "whereas" and "herein". You can't argue with a "whereas" & a "herein". Have I mentioned, that I am winning but barely? My 11 year old is sneaking up on me.

~I love that I have friends that get me sometimes more than I get myself

~Francesca Battistelli has the perfect theme songs for my life....Free to Be Me & This is the Stuff = my life exactly

~I have so many passions laid in my heart that sometimes I feel that I may burst at the seems but this is how I know that God has something AMAZING planned for me. I will just continue to burst =)

~Truth be known, I miss being married.

~I love love love working with youth but as a leader sometimes I get scared that I am transparent and they will know that I'm not perfect. I think that is why God calls me and maybe also, that I like acting a little goofy from time to time.

~God loves me....how cool is that?

~I love gazing at the stars in bewilderment but I am deathly afraid of aliens, so I'm out for the new alien movie coming out

~I miss my grandpa and how he called me Cathy Jo Pisshead and loved me unconditionally.

~Music that I'm loving right now....Adelle's new CD, Black Keys, Mumford & Sons, & Bruno Mars.

~My favorite quote for this day....

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost and when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going." -Carrie Bradshaw

~and don't EVER forget

letting go to let You

I will rest in You

be still.

Wanting to do this more. More time in the word. More time talking to Him. More time listening to Him. More time learning about Him. I need this. I want this. I yearn to have a closer and more passionate relationship with Him.


At every given moment He wants to be with me, love me, care for me, hold me, fight for me...love me. Why is it so hard for me to surrender all and do the same?


Dear God,
Give me the courage to let go and let You.

Happy Heart Day!

FOCUS

This is the third year in a row that I have selected a Word of the Year.

My 2009 Word of the Year was JOY. It is still my favorite word and you will find it all over my house. One of my favorite Joy quotes is “Man is that he may have Joy not guilt trips” I remind myself that on a daily basis.

My 2010 Word of the Year was the BLOOM. I wanted to be renewed and allow myself to grow physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Originally I had selected the word Abundance for my 2011 Word of the Year. Abundance is something that I had felt a lack of in 2010, in several areas of my life.

Too many times I allowed that lack of Abundance to overwhelm me. I knew I had to change things. I had to change the way I felt about Abundance and my definition of Abundance. I thought I had my word.

But I was wrong.

In some reading I was doing last week I came across this quote by Sarah Ban Breathnach

“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.”

This quote made me realize abundance wasn’t my problem – my problem was that I was focusing on the wrong secret garden. Instead of focusing on the abundance I was lacking in my life I needed to focus on the abundance I did have – a wonderful family, good health, amazing friends, joy, pretty things etc.

I needed to change my focus. Thus I discovered my Word of the Year for 2011 –

Focus

Focus – a thing or place that is of greatest importance, a guiding or motivating purpose or principle.

I needed to refine and define my Focus. The focus of my life, my family, my education and even this blog. I have felt very distracted and pulled in multiple directions this last year. I have a tendency to get involved in too many “good things.” I have so many interests and things I love and want to do that I have found myself feeling fragmented and unable to focus on any one thing for any length of time. There is always something else, or a dozen something elses to distract me. I end up not doing any of them as well as I would like.

“One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.” Tony Robbins

So here are some of the things I am going to do this year to be more focused, to improve my focus and to refine my focus:

1. Begin each morning, not at my computer reading emails, but in prayer and scripture reading. Focusing on what is really important

2. Focus on my inner core strength and balance by continuing Pilates and strength training

3. Create a specific focus for each month of the year – January’s focus will be my home and creating order. I will share each month’s Focus Journey in my new Finding Focus posts.

4. Regain my focus each Sunday by having a technology fast – no computer, no T.V. etc. and this goes for my kiddos too....we shall see how well this works

5. Improve my focus by staying diligent in school. I will get through this semester without procrastinating

6. Spend time focused on doing something I love to do - or maybe two - Serving & Crafting

7. Focus on others by asking myself each day – “What can I do to help someone else today”

“When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance.” – Joel Osteen

I hope you have taken the opportunity to come up with your own Word of the Year – I’d love to know what it is.