I Need You

"He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge." -Psalm 91:4

Things I Wish I Could Say

Sometimes, there are so many things that I wish that I could say but instead I keep them bottled down deep afraid to express the way I truly feel. Truth is that it has almost been three years since my life changed, and there are just parts that I still don't get.

I wish that I could tell you that I am strong and that I don't let the past haunt me.

I wish that I could say that I understand why life is unfair.

I wish that I could tell you that it doesn't still hurt.

I wish that I could tell you that as I go to school full time and work full time that I don't struggle financially. I wish that I could tell you that I can afford in luxuries such as swimming pools, boats, my own house, and other many others but I can't.

But what I can say is that


There’s another part to this that makes it even stronger. It’s faith. You need to develop faith that things really do work out. You may not be able to see how it’s going to work out from where you’re standing right now, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t work out. There really is a bigger picture that we don’t see. The more you develop faith, the more you will see things working out for you and your family. The more you stop trying to control everything in your life, the more you will find that your life makes sense and the more you will see the pattern. All this will foster happy kids, making you an effective and successful parent

A Time for Everything

  

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens;
  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

With each changing of the Seasons, I think back to these verses and praise God not only for his creation, but the guidance He provides for us in our own "Seasons" of life.

Guarding my Heart

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust. ~Proverbs 4:23-27.

Moments in Time

He walked into the kitchen while I was cooking up his favorite dinner: spaghetti. He began to talk about his new adventures and new ideas for his favorite video game, and I, being distracted, gave some distant mumbles of assent.

Suddenly, he walked up to me. "Mom, you look like you need a hug."

Then he hugged me. And held me.

He's 11, almost 12 and much mature beyond his years. We often laugh together alot and we've even gotten frustrated with each other alot, too, scoping out his place in our family as becoming a Big Person. I'm becoming the mother of a son who needs me in a very different way than he used to.

It's exhilarating, frightening, wonderful, irritating, and hilarious.

And so I stood there in the kitchen, at the end of a very long day in which we had puzzled each other at length, my son (my son!) holding me. Even an embrace is uncharted territory--when will my arms get used to the surreal sensation that he's almost a head taller than me now? I don't even always know where to put my hands.

But then my heart remembered, and my hands found their way to his back, a back that is strangely muscled and lean now. I patted him, just as I did when he weighed eight pounds.

My mind scurried to find a joke to explain this sudden and unexpected moment--he loves a good quip more than anyone I know, after all.

But the joke caught in my throat, blocked by the lump of emotion as we stood there, my hands still patting his back. We were perfectly silent, through my mind raced to capture the moment and sear it into my heart.

Remember this. Remember this.

Finally, gently, he slipped away from me. "Moment of affection now ceased," he announced, grinning my favorite cheeky grin and heading for the fridge to gulp some milk straight from the jug.

Moments like that don't cease, though, despite the boy/man's best efforts to the contrary. Those moments fill me up, fortify me for the strange new journey I'm walking. It's a journey that leaves me baffled and delighted and frightened and filled to the brim with joy at my front-row seat as I watch him become a man.

Just Keep Going

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost and when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going."

-Carrie Bradshaw

Times

Do you ever have those moments that you feel like you are just wandering in this world? That truly who you are destined, designed, made to be, somehow seems so far away. Yeah, I am that girl with her hand raised soooo highly that it is hard to miss me.

What I do know is that in those moments, I have a longing desire to be soooo close to God. I want to be right next to Him like a silly girl in young love. I am eager to hear from Him about direction, questions, affirmation of who I am suppose to be. I often think that sometimes that I am eager to a fault that I miss His whispers & blessings spoken into my life.



This song spoke straight to my heart today. I stumbled across it while listening to the Ingrid Michaelson channel on Pandora (which doesn't quite make sense, but hey maybe God knew I needed to hear it so He snuck it in). So thankful that God speaks to me in sooo many ways through songs, words of a friend, serving.