Brothers

They're brothers, ages 10 and 6. They share a bedroom, a love for all things Legos, a desire to win every game ever played on PS3 or Wii, and a tendency toward violence of the brotherly kind. They are mortal enemies and the best of friends, the pendulum often swinging from friend to enemy and back to friend again within a matter of .2 seconds.

They're both dynamos in their own element. The older of the two is lean, tall, and lightning-fast. The younger is lean, small, and has the determination to be just as good as his older brother.

Last night, after an especially vigorous session of carpet wrestling, I heard them pause, breathless, to formulate impressive plans thanks to the World Cup. They determined that they would take the professional soccer world by storm someday, two feisty brothers who would team up to strike fear in opponents. The oldest would be the speedy, agile Scorer of Many Goals. The youngest would be the brick-wall goalie around whom no ball would fly.

Then they went back to the floor for more wrestling, until I went in to interrupt and tell them it was time to head to bed. We sat on the couch, mom in the middle, for bedtime prayers. Their sweaty, smelly heads leaned in on my shoulders. They were still out of breath. It was the first moment of quiet that room had seen in hours.

The oldest said his prayer, and then I said mine. And then the youngest, in a voice thick with sincerity, said softly, "Thank you, God, that my brother and I enjoy each other."

I caught my breath. Yes, thank you, I thought. Then--I couldn't help it--I peeked open my eyes at the two boys, still sitting at my side. Something settled over them.

They were struck by the moment, too.

The oldest looked over at his little brother, affection unmistakably written on his face. He gently, quietly nudged him with his elbow. The youngest returned the glance, and the nudge.

There was a perfect pause.

And then, at exactly the same moment, they erupted into grunts and laughter, diving for each other and heading straight for the carpet. I think the .7 miliseconds of tenderness was all they could bear.

I watched them, smiling, observing to myself that the moment had surely passed.
Or had it? I'm inclined to think--to hope--that a moment like that settles deeply in the hearts of two sweaty boys. It surely settles deeply in the heart of their mother.

Little Blessings

The other night, my little man curled up in his bed, his hair still a little damp from his shower a few minutes before, and his mind racing as it always does as bed time falls upon us.

"What if there's a fire? I don't like to jump out of windows," he told me.

"If there's a fire, I'll come for you," I said.

"But what if I get lost in the deep, deep forest?" he asked.

Before I answered, I thought to myself, “Where does he come up with this stuff? Maybe we have been watching way too much Harry Potter movies lately.”

"You won't ever be in the deep, deep forest," I told him. He shot me a look that made it clear this answer was far too practical to satisfy his need for drama.

I amended my response. "If you get lost in the deep, deep forest, I'll come and find you," I said, and he nodded, seeming satisfied with my answer this time. His heavy eyelids started to droop. The 9-year-old wandered in, eager to help.

"Could I sing him a lullaby?" she asked quietly. I nodded, and she sat down and sang softly "Jesus Loves Me" while her little brother held tightly to my hand.

Then the 10-year-old chimed in since he was sleeping in the bunk above us, playing his drum, because we all know that "Jesus Loves Me" is much more effective as a lullaby with a loud and driving drum beat. Well, his playing messed up the 9-year-old, who stopped right at the “little ones to Him belong part” to whack her brother. The six-year-old was so excited by this exchange that he jumped to his feet and began to sing/shriek along while jumping off his bed to dance on the bedroom floor. The two big kids stopped their fighting, suddenly distracted by the fact that “Jesus” sounds a lot like “Cheez-Its.”

The six-year-old continued to dance. The 9-year-old sister continued to pound the older brother while both the older ones continued to shriek their hymn to the little orange crackers.

I laughed, and I wondered exactly where I lost my sweet moment.

I laughed harder, and I realized I didn't lose it at all. I love how God reveals the sweet blessings of my life in everyday experiences of being a mom.

Sometimes as a mom, I get caught up in the moments of how things should be; but I am learning through God’s grace that life is nothing like what it should be but every bit a part of the way God meant for it to be in my life.

One of our favorite family movies is Disney’s Meet the Robinsons. We love the quirky dinosaur with the big head and little arms, the singing gangster frogs, the display of love shown by a family that isn’t ordinary, but what we love most of all is the closing song:

let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know the hardest part is over
let it in, let your clarity define you
in the end, we will only just remember how it feels

let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but I cannot forget
the way I feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
--Rob Thomas, “Little Wonders”

I am truly thankful for this song. This song got me through the struggles of my divorce, learning to be a single mom, and most importantly the amazing blessings of being a daughter of God.

Crazy Love

I wanted to share with you an excerpt from Crazy Love by Frances Chan that touched my heart and spirit. Today, it helped me realize to give up myself and that life is so much easier with Him than without. Enjoy, dear friends!

Someone I Can Be Real With
If you merely pretend that you enjoy God or love Him, He knows.
You can’t fool Him; don’t even try. Instead, tell Him how you feel.
Tell Him that He isn’t the most important thing in this life to you,
and that you are sorry for that. Tell Him that you’ve been lukewarm,
that you’ve chosen _____________ over Him time and again.
Tell Him that you want Him to change you, that you long to genuinely enjoy Him.
Tell Him how you want to experience true satisfaction and pleasure and
joy in your relationship with Him. Tell Him you want to love Him more than
anything on this earth. Tell Him you want to experience the kingdom of heaven so much so that you’d willingly sell everything in order to get it.
Tell Him what you like about Him, what you appreciate, what brings you joy.

my prayer today:
Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love you and walk with You on my own.
I can’t do it, I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life. I want You. And when I don’t, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me.